Today at church, I spoke in sacrament meeting. I wrote my talk so I figured I'd copy and paste this here. I didn't read it word for word, and I said things differently but here is the jist of it. The end only has notes since those were my extra things to say if I had time, but I
did, in fact, have more time. (The Bishop asked me to speak on 'Finding joy in Motherhood.')
In the April 2008 conference, Elder Ballard spoke to the Daughters of God. I remember the beginning of this talk well since he got a few laughs when he said the following:
This afternoon I want to focus my remarks primarily on mothers, particularly on young mothers.
As a young father, I learned the demanding role of motherhood. I served as a counselor and then as bishop for a period of 10 years. During that time we were blessed with six of our seven children. Barbara was often worn-out by the time I got home Sunday evening. She tried to explain what it was like to sit on the back row in sacrament meeting with our young family. Then the day came that I was released. After sitting on the stand for 10 years, I was now sitting with my family on the back row.
The ward’s singing mothers’ chorus was providing the music, and I found myself sitting alone with our six children. I have never been so busy in my whole life. I had the hand puppets going on both hands, and that wasn’t working too well. The Cheerios got away from me, and that was embarrassing. The coloring books didn’t seem to entertain as well as they should.
As I struggled with the children through the meeting, I looked up at Barbara, and she was watching me and smiling. I learned for myself to more fully appreciate what all of you dear mothers do so well and so faithfully!
I think about what he said often when I’m sitting in church with my children. I was pleased when he mentioned cheerios since that is sometimes my sanity here in sacrament meeting. You’ve heard poems and other talks that spell out the word “Mother” like “M is for the many kinds words you say…, etc” but instead of using the word “Mother” today, I’m going to use the word “Cheerios” since that is one of the ways that I find joy in motherhood. Plus I figure if the apostle of the Lord can talk about cheerios, then so can I.
C is for Cherish – We must cherish each moment that we have with our children.
There is a poem that used to hang on a wall in my childhood home that said “Cooking and cleaning can wait ‘til tomorrow for babies grow up as we learn to our sorrow. So quiet down cobwebs, dust go to sleep, I’m rocking my baby and babies don’t keep.
Elder Ballard said:
I am impressed by countless mothers who have learned how important it is to focus on the things that can only be done in a particular season of life. If a child lives with parents for 18 or 19 years, that span is only one-fourth of a parent’s life. And the most formative time of all, the early years in a child’s life, represents less than one-tenth of a parent’s normal life. It is crucial to focus on our children for the short time we have them with us and to seek, with the help of the Lord, to teach them all we can before they leave our homes.
I try to think about that when I’m struggling with a hard parenting situation. This moment is such a small percentage of their lives. Elder Ballard quoted an author Anna Quindlen and stated “I wish I had treasured the doing a little more and the getting it done a little less.”
H is for Hair – Yes I know what you’re thinking, what? Hair? What’s that all about? I chose “Hair” for my H because of my son Oaklen. He loves my hair and is always running his fingers through it. I have tried numerous tactics to get him to stop playing with my hair since sometimes it hurts but so far nothing has worked. I’ve decided to embrace this (as much as I can) and let him grow out of it. We’ll be reading a book and he’ll reach up and grab some of my hair for just a moment to “reconnect to mom” and then let go.
I liken this to our relationship with the savior. How many times do we need to reconnect to the Lord? Do we always have a prayer in our heart? Are we thinking about what would Jesus do in this particular situation? As a mother I need to ask myself those questions. Am I including the savior in this child rearing? Elder Ballard said:
Pray deeply about your children and about your role as a mother. Parents can offer a unique and wonderful kind of prayer because they are praying to the Eternal Parent of us all. There is great power in a prayer that essentially says, “We are steward-parents over Thy children, Father; please help us to raise them as Thou wouldst want them raised.”
E is for Example – Mothers should be good examples. President Hinckley always spoke highly of his mother, and he shared a few lessons that his mother taught him in various talks and books. There are many people in the world that start off a sentence with “My momma used to say…” or “My mother taught me…” I hope to live my life so that my sons will one day say “my mother taught me…” or “my mother always used to say…”
We think of the adult always setting the example, but I’m also thankful for the good examples that my children are to me. They are always quick to forgive, have incredible faith and often remind me of a commandment.
E is for Essential – Elder Ballard said “There is no role in life more essential and more eternal than that of motherhood.” Motherhood is essential to the Lord’s plan of happiness. What we learn in this life, will help us through the eternities.
One of the joys of motherhood is to watch your child become self sufficient. Heavenly Father also is overjoyed when we become self sufficient through provident living.
R is for Respect – I have a deep respect for all mothers, we are all different and unique. Elder Ballard says:
“There is no one perfect way to be a good mother. Each situation is unique. Each mother has different challenges, different skills and abilities, and certainly different children. The choice is different and unique for each mother and each family. Many are able to be “full-time moms,” at least during the most formative years of their children’s lives, and many others would like to be. Some may have to work part-or full-time; some may work at home; some may divide their lives into periods of home and family and work. What matters is that a mother loves her children deeply and, in keeping with the devotion she has for God and her husband, prioritizes them above all else.”
I is for I Love You – Those three words are so beautiful; I never get tired of hearing them or saying them. When I was in High school, I went to an assembly hosted by the Community of Caring. I don’t really remember what the assembly was about except that they were talking about being loved. My friend sat next to me and whispered “Do you hear the words ‘I love you’ at your house every day?” I said “Yes, of course.” And she said “Oh, I don’t.” and she thought it was weird that I did. I was so used to hearing those words from my mom that I didn’t realize how blessed I was. I’m sure that my friend was greatly loved in her home, but to just hear those three words makes all the difference. Please, if you don’t already say “I love you” to your loved ones, start doing it!
In the proclamation to the world about the family, Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children. We hunger for this nurturing and love. The greatest example of love is our Savior. Elder Hales from his last conference address spoke these words:
“But as children of God, our deepest hunger and what we should be seeking is what the Lord alone can provide—His love, His sense of worth, His security, His confidence, His hope in the future, and assurance of His love, which brings us eternal joy."
O is for Over and over – As a mother, how many times do you say “tie your shoes, wipe your nose, go to sleep, etc.” You’re saying them over and over again.
We learn by repetition. We come to church and learn the same things over and over, but we still need to learn it again.
S is for Sanctity – Motherhood is a sacred calling.
While serving as First Counselor in the First Presidency, President Gordon B. Hinckley said:
“I remind mothers everywhere of the sanctity of your calling. No other can adequately take your place. No responsibility is greater, no obligation more binding than that you rear in love and peace and integrity those whom you have brought into the world” (in Conference Report, Oct. 1993, 79; or Ensign, Nov. 1993, 60).
Speaking to mothers, Elder Jeffrey R. Holland said:
“Yours is the grand tradition of Eve, the mother of all the human family, the one who understood that she and Adam had to fall in order that ‘men [and women] might be’ [2 Nephi 2:25] and that there would be joy. Yours is the grand tradition of Sarah and Rebekah and Rachel, without whom there could not have been those magnificent patriarchal promises to Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob which bless us all. Yours is the grand tradition of Lois and Eunice [see 2 Timothy 1:5] and the mothers of the 2,000 stripling warriors. Yours is the grand tradition of Mary, chosen and foreordained from before this world was, to conceive, carry, and bear the Son of God Himself. We thank all of you, including our own mothers, and tell you there is nothing more important in this world than participating so directly in the work and glory of God, in bringing to pass the mortality and earthly life of His daughters and sons, so that immortality and eternal life can come in those celestial realms on high” (in Conference Report, Apr. 1997, 48; or Ensign, May 1997, 36; see also pages 44–45 in the Marriage and Family Relations Participant’s Study Guide).
[After I said all of this I had more time so here were a few of my 'extras' notes.]********
Elder Ballard:
The third question: What can children, even young children, do? Now, you children, please listen to me because there are some simple things you can do to help your mother.
You can pick up your toys when you are finished playing with them, and when you get a little older, you can make your bed, help with the dishes, and do other chores—without being asked.
You can say thank you more often when you finish a nice meal, when a story is read to you at bedtime, or when clean clothes are put in your drawers.
Most of all, you can put your arms around your mother often and tell her you love her.
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President David O. McKay (1873–1970):
“[The] ability and willingness properly to rear children, the gift to love, and eagerness … to express it in soul development, make motherhood the noblest office or calling in the world. She who can paint a masterpiece or write a book that will influence millions deserves the admiration and the plaudits of mankind; but she who rears successfully a family of healthy, beautiful sons and daughters, whose influence will be felt through generations to come, … deserves the highest honor that man can give, and the choicest blessings of God” (Gospel Ideals [1954], 453–54).
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"To the world you may be just one person, but to one person you may be the world."
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Discipline not of children but of yourself (Hinckley)
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Bloom where you are planted
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Family scripture, song & prayer never have a child go astray
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Happiness is… and gratitude journal
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The Family is of God
1. Our Father has a family. It’s me!
It’s you, all others too: we are His children.
He sent each one of us to earth, through birth,
To live and learn here in fam’lies.
2. A father’s place is to preside, provide,
To love and teach the gospel to his children.
A father leads in fam’ly prayer to share
Their love for Father in Heaven.
3. A mother’s purpose is to care, prepare,
To nurture and to strengthen all her children.
She teaches children to obey, to pray,
To love and serve in the fam’ly.
4. I’ll love and serve my family and be
A good example to each fam’ly member.
And when I am a mom or dad, so glad,
I’ll help my fam’ly remember:
[Chorus]
God gave us families to help us become what He wants us to be—
This is how He shares His love, for the fam’ly is of God.
