A Somber Occasion

Today marks a somber occasion for me and my family. It's the 20th anniversary of my father's death. September 10th will always be a dreaded day in my mind.

Last year for his birthday, I wrote a nice post about him. Go ahead and read it again if you'd like...I just re-read it and now don't know what to say. All of my memories are summed up in that blog entry. I prayed to Heavenly Father last night asking to bring forth some memories to my mind, I have faith that he will.

Here are some random things that I'll tell you:

* My dad's death was sudden; he was killed on a motorcycle, a girl was in a car turning left and didn't see him. We of course didn't' expect it.

* I always try to remember what we did the few days before his death, but can't remember hardly anything. The one thing I do remember is coming home from my friend's birthday party the day before and he and my mom laying on their bed watching TV. I came in and told them about the birthday party and stared at their bare feet. The day he died was on a Sunday so we went to church that morning and I remember him working on the motorcycle in the back yard later.

* I listened to "In the Living Years" on the radio close to the time of his death and now it reminds me of him every time I hear it. The new children's songbook had just been published and we (some primary children) sang "Love One Another" with the sign language for his funeral. Every time I hear that song sung in primary I get emotional.

* He was buried in his cub scout uniform since he was a cub master for many years. I often go to cub scout meetings now (for Primary) and feel weird seeing that green scout uniform. I'm not necessarily traumatized by it but does feel weird. I'll get over it.

* The night he died, and after everyone left, my small family went into my mom's room and said a family prayer. We weren't in the habit of saying family prayer so this one particularly stood out in my mind. We all knelt down, held hands and prayed. After the prayer was said we all cried to our hearts content.

* When I was told that my father died, I didn't cry. I'm sure I was in shock, plus there were tons of people there watching me and I probably didn't want to cry. A few hours later my neighbor (Miss Margene) took me into my room and just hugged me. She let me cry and it felt good to cry without anyone watching me. Between tears I said "It's like he's going on a mission and never coming back."

* When my best friend Tracee found out about it, she found a few random things from her room and put them in two bags for me and my sister as a gift. It was sweet of her to do that. When I saw her, she gave me a big hug, a real meaningful hug. I was always used to hugging people bigger and older than me so it felt nice to hug someone the same size as me. That hug is my most memorable hug of all time.

* A few weeks ago I remembered that 10 years ago I sent an email to many friends entitled "Cherish life." I went back to my old email address to find what I had written and I couldn't find it! I found a few replies from friends but couldn't find the original email. If any of you know what I'm talking about and happened to save that email, please forward it to me! Anyway, the email was talking about cherishing life and that you never know what you have until it's gone. This may sound morbid but I often think "what if this were the last time I would see [this person]? Would I regret something I did or said?" I try always make sure to hug my loved ones and verbally say "I love you." PLEASE don't hesitate to say I love you, it may be the last time.

* I have a necklace locket and in it holds a picture of my mom & dad. The picture of my dad was the last picture that was taken of him. It was up at our mountain property, he was in the background of the picture being taken of me, my sister and some of my mom's friend's kids. His face just happened to be the perfect size to stick in the locket. I'm glad.

* That next year after he died, I remember having a dream. I don't want to say it means anything, but when I think about it, I am happy, so I'll share it. Here is what I remember from my dream:

It was very bright and white, I was a little girl playing and waiting in a room with other people. I think my mom, brother & sister was there. The "camera" (my mind) took me out in the hallway to see my dad dressed all in bright white carrying a bag. I ran to the hallway and jumped up to give him a big hug. We both smiled because he was home.

That's all I remember, I don't know what it means. I'm not trying to prophesy anything but it's a fond memory. Here is a picture of he and I before I was baptized. I don't really like that we're not smiling but I like the "all white" picture.
* On January 29, 2002 I escorted my mom, and sister to receive their temple endowment. After the session, we were all sealed as a family. (Darrell did my dad's temple endowment a few years prior.) The phrase "Families Are Forever" always seemed incorrect for us. Now "Families Can Be Together Forever" is the correct phrase.

I love you Daddy!

PS - Darrell thanks for making waffles today. I don't know if you realized it or not, but it was perfect to have them today. I even found some old Mrs. Buttersworth syrup in the pantry to put on them. It almost tasted just like how my dad used to make them.